Miley, Do You Want To Know a Secret?
by PokerGuy
Summary: Miley expresses her opinion of London Tipton as a fellow celebrity. The Suite Life crossover, to avoid using a real world person


**This is not just my first Hannah Montana fanfic, it is my first fanfic ever. I am not afraid of bad reviews though, so go ahead and be honest. It is a complete and reasonably short one shot.**

**Since two reviews have mentioned IMDb, this is a short story adaptation of what I posted there for an episode idea. Aspie1 there and Pokerguy here are the same person. Ta-da!**

** Someone has pointed out that I really should not include real world people, so this is now a crossover with The Suite Life Of Zack and Cody. London Tipton is a fairly obvious parody of Paris Hilton.  
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**I do not own Hannah Montana or its characters, I am just borrowing.**

Miley, Do You Want To Know a Secret?

"_And I'm gonna take my time, yeah  
I'm still getting it right  
This is the Life "_

Sang Hannah Montana. Then she waved, said "You're a lovely audience. Good night, everyone!", and walked offstage.

Later, she had the usual autograph signing. At one point she almost recoiled. The woman might have been attractive under some circumstances, but the outfit and hair were about the worst Hannah had ever seen. They didn't fit, and they clashed. She gritted her teeth and signed anyway.

The next day, she met Lilly at the beach concession stand. The same woman was there, wearing an outfit that, if anything was even worse than the night before.

"London Tipton is having a party. Are we going?" asked Lilly.

"No," replied Miley. "I will never go to a London Tipton party. I detest her."

"But, she's like the greatest partier of all time, and my role model!"

Miley said, "She's an airhead, and anyone who looks up to her as a role model is an idiot. If that shoe fits..."

"How can you say such mean things?"

"Because they're true."

Lilly made another try. "But couldn't you do it for me?"

"No," said Miley. "It ain't gonna happen. I would rather have you-know-what get out than go to a London Tipton party."

Then Amber and Ashley walked up. They were each holding what looked like a ticket. Amber said "These are invitations to the London Tipton party." Together they said "We're going and you're not." A pause, then they went "Ooh, sst" and touched fingers, and walked away.

The woman spoke up. "Good for you. I agree, London Tipton is an airhead, and no one should look up to her as a role model. Good for you." Then she walked away.

As soon as she was gone, Lilly said "Ack, that was worse than your birthday gifts. Let's go to your place, maybe I can find a fashion magazine to get that outfit out of my mind!"

They walked to the Stewart house. Jackson and her father were there. As she walked in, Mr. Stewart told her "London Tipton sent two invitations to the office today for her party. Anyone else would have sent them by mail, or maybe overnight express, but she sent them by private courier."

"Not going," said Miley.

"Mr. Stewart," said Lilly, "She's being mean. London is the greatest partier of all time, and she won't take me."

"Dad," said Miley, "London Tipton is the worst. She makes the rest of us celebrities look bad. Jackson is smart, compared to her. The Tiptons should disown her."

"Well, I guess you two will have to work it out yourselves," Mr. Stewart said. Jackson stuck his tongue out at her.

Lilly went into melodrama mode. She said "All of my hopes and dreams, all of my desires, shattered into tiny pieces..."

"Oh, all right, you drama queen, we'll go, But I'm going to regret this." said Miley.

The night of the party, the limo dropped them off, as Hannah and Lola, at London Tipton's mansion. Miley said quietly "If you want to embarrass me by spitting food on London, or following her into the bathroom for an autograph, feel free."

Lilly said, "I would never do that to London!" Miley shook her head in exasperation.

As they walked into the mansion's ballroom, London Tipton was mingling with the guests. If anything, her spectacular outfit eclipsed the rest of the guest's outfits. Lilly made a beeline toward London. "Oh London," she said, "You are the greatest! I worship you. I worship the ground you walk on! I worship everything about you!" London gamely held up under the outpouring of adulation until she found a way to excuse herself.

Later, Lilly and Miley went in search of a bathroom. As they neared the end of a hallway, Miley told Lilly "There must be a bathroom somewhere in this mansion. Sheesh, if it weren't for that name Tipton, she would be trailer park trash, at best."

"That's mean," said Lilly.

At that moment, London Tipton came hurrying around the corner and collided with them. She stayed on her feet, but Lilly and Miley fell, and their wigs flew off. Then London noticed Ashley and Amber coming around the corner of the other end of the hallway. She looked at them, looked at Miley and Lilly with their wigs off, then grabbed each by the arm, pulled them up and around the corner, then into a room and closed the door. The room was a large study with a desk, computer, and many bookshelves lined with books.

"That was CLOSE," said London.

"What was close?" asked Miley.

"You don't want those girls to know who you really are, do you?"

"How much do you know?" asked Miley.

"I know that Hannah Montana is apparently living a double life."

"But, how?" asked Miley.

London said, "It would be easier to just show you. Hang out here for two or three minutes. Have a seat." She left.

A few minutes later, the woman from the beach came in, wearing the same outfit and hair but with London Tipton's makeup on. It took only a few moments for Miley and Lilly to recognize who it was.

"But, WHY?" Lilly asked.

"Hannah Montana is not the only celebrity who leads a double life.," said London.

Miley asked "But why are you leading one?"

"Because doing postdoctoral work in quantum physics after getting my Ph.D does not fit in with the image I have created for London Tipton. Also, can you imagine a scientific journal taking anything submitted by London Tipton seriously?"

"But, I thought you only got a GED after you dropped out of high school?" asked Miley.

"All of my degrees are under my secret name. Do you want to exchange those, or is it better to say that what we don't know, we can't spill?"

"I don't know," answered Miley, feeling a little overwhelmed by now. "But why do you pretend to be such an airhead?"

"My first agent recommended that image, and now I am stuck with it."

"Oh," Miley said quietly.

"Borrowing a line from Dolly Parton, it takes a lot of brains to look as dumb as I do."

"Oh," Miley said again.

"And, Lola, I would really like it if you made Dr. London Tipton, Ph.D your role model, not London Tipton the airhead socialite. Now, let me go change back, and you two put your wigs back on, and then let's..."

"Partay, partay, PAR-TAY" said Lilly and London together. "Ooh, sst" they said and touched fingers.

"Oh yeah," said London, "the little girl's room is two doors after this one, on the right."

_The end._

_London is older than in TSL, while the gang from HM has not aged. Maybe she invented a time machine in the course of her quantum physics work. _


End file.
